What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 27.06.2025 05:21
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
What did i know ?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Who then, do I blame.?
But ive been too sick for many years..
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Would this be the day?
Comes on , in middle age.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
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I will be 64.
She found it foreign!.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
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So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Was to survive, this bastard.
One cannot live in the past .
What is your craziest college sex story?
I think the readers, may guess!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
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This is how, and why children get BPD.
She was in good health!
I have no regrets .
What is a good moisturizer and sunscreen for oily skin for a girl like me who is 17?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
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Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Why won't my mom let me come home if I'm homeless?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
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She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
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She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We were not on the streets..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
It was going to be , some day.
All the time i was locked up.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im still living with it.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As i do to all so called friends.?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I was very sick at this time too.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I don,t even have a pension.
I was seconnd youngest,
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My family never makes their pension either.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I never cut or harmed myself..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why did i forgive my father ?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She loved him until the end.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was 9 years of age.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And i lived it daily.
I said to her
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She married twice! .
I waited trembling.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But, we were locked up after school.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She wouldn,t have been !
(And it was in our own minds.)
He resisted the act ,that day.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Put me off passion for life!!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was scared of men, in general
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
When she asked me how she looked .
I write beautiful poetry .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Especially a lifetime of it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
So whats the point in blame.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So, i spoilt her more .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My life is so biszare .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But it wasn’t much.
I could never make a relationship work though!
This is soul school!.
He knew the spot.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Ive learnt so much.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We all went to grammer schools
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!